Emily

No clue

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 05:35:13 GMT

Why am i writing? Dunno.

nevermind. i'm too tired.
bye.

i feel the need to tell people things

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 03:49:32 GMT

whether or not they actually matter.

like the fact that my sister's and my friend, Alexa, gave me a whole 300g package of mochi for free, just because i was at Yogurt Works and complained that they didn't have mochi that day. She was like "yeah we actually have a ton in the back, want some?" and i couldn't decline such an offer, but did not expect an entire package! /gasp

well yeah that was pretty uninsightful

So paul does this thing where he dgafs, like... he worships the concept outloud. He brags about reaching new levels of dgaf and whatever. I honestly think it's stupid, because he's one of those people like everyone else who has some problems and some pain on the inside, but instead of addressing anything, he thinks not giving a fuck is going to make him feel better, or make the problems go away, or put him above the universal human dilemma of emotional strain.

Riddle me this, batman: Why are still so fucking emo all the time if you really dgaf?

So much for that bullshit.

Just today he told me he was going back to the "old ways" when he really didn't give a fuck...
The funny thing is he's been saying that for the past year. Either he still hasn't followed through, or he has and the "old ways" are EXACTLY THE SAME.

If someone truly didn't give a fuck, wouldn't they be so indifferent to things that they wouldn't feel the need to actively make a point of not giving a fuck all the goddamn time?

anyway....
good day at camp. i absolutely love it.
i'll keep on posting regularly because i like doing it and don't need a better reason.

the one that got away

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 06:32:57 GMT

Guys have that and serial killers have that... "the one that got away"
An amusing quote from Funny People (not a movie worth watching. the previews have the only funny parts)

But i was just relating to it in my mind and felt like sharing it with my 4-ish people that actually get on LJ every now and then, haha.
I don't like having that regret. I remember back in the day when becca pushed me to go out with jesse because she didn't want me to miss out on the potential. I don't regret that. I probably would have if i didn't go out with him.
Well i guess this is less to regret because i never really had a chance, but i'm sad that after liking ryan on and off for a full two years, i never even told him. Not much point now since he's essentially avoiding relationships and i'm leaving in 2 weeks, but, more than a lot of things, i really regret not even trying.

I just don't like wondering what would have happened. Probably nothing... but damn, 2 years is just too long to like someone and not do anything about it.

And i try to not like him anymore because it's absolutely pointless, but sometimes he just crawls his way in.
I probably only feel that way because i'm so regretful that i didn't like him when he supposedly almost-liked me in early sophomore year.
Oh convoluted emotions! How deceptive and irrational you are....

Meanwhile, i'm getting more space from my most recent complication. He seems to be doing fine, but he still feels the need to hug me for 10 minutes whenever i leave.

That reminds me how amazing of a hugger nils is. There's another regret... i wish i'd become closer friends with him years ago, because he's sooooo awesome. I get this feeling that I'll be instant messaging him a lot during the school year.

I'm dreadfully bad at making pie, as my mother oh-so optimistically predicted, and as kevin and our friends all witnessed.

I need to go fill out girl scout paper work so i can wake up at 6:30 every morning this week and go volunteer at girl scout camp with my sister... except she gets paid...

I get home around 4, i think, so i'll have time to chizzle with y'alls.
Yeah...

So beyond the mundane events and regrets in my life, things have been average... it's full of the usual urge to fill in every second of summer with happiness and joy, resulting in me being sad and painfully stressed; crying unpredictably, fearing no one will miss me, feeling like i'm throwing my life away for college, etc.
Good stuff... i guess...
can't wait for beach camping.

nothing personal

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:25:59 GMT

I love that thing where friends act like they still know you well, as a way to avoid that "distancing" feeling, but they're just so goddamn impersonal. They never talk to you anymore, they don't make one fucking effort to try and keep in touch. I'm talking about people i've been REALLY fucking close to. They just act like it's no big deal even when they don't talk to you for months.
I'm gonna be fucking gone in 20 days.
It's this point in time when i'm so busy trying to cram everything in that it's time for my "amazing" friends to make sure that they spend a few days with me or have a few good conversations with me, but i guess some of them don't even care. They don't even care when i'm the one that tries to arrange something.
Just fucking pisses me off.
It's like 2 fucking years don't make a fucking difference in the end. Way to pull through, guys. Way to pull through.
I think i'm gonna spend my time with people that actually try. Friends that care - what a concept.

Thank you Becca, Tanya, Tess, Lina, Paul, Cassie, Efron/David and the D&D guys, and my girl scout girls - some of the only people that seem to feel like calling me up is worthwhile and not too much of a burden on their social lives.

everyone else can pretty much go fuck themselves since i'm apparently dead to them.

Writer's Block: Family Heirlooms

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:42:36 GMT

Is there anything in your family that has been passed down from generation to generation, or from family member to family member? What is it? And who do you plan to pass it on to?

Submitted By licktheknife

View 502 Answers

Genes, actually.
And no one. I'm not having biological children.

Anyway... it's very late and i should be asleep but i really felt like an lj entry was appropriate for my mood.
What is my mood? no idea.

I had a conflict earlier today and i managed to smooth it out quickly and i'm very happy about that. It's dreadful when it seems like everything about a situation is just falling to shreds and you've made a million mistakes and feel regret about everythin you've done... but it makes things seem even better when they patch up without any real side effects. I can't say i get that lucky every day.

I've been thinking about college and I think Efron was right... USC is a bunch of rich kids with alumnae parents and mansions in beverly hills. Ok maybe not that extreme, but unfortunatley i do feel like there's a bit of a culture gap. I'm not used to being one of the lower-income groups within a school or organization. And it's not the money itself that bothers me, it's simply the way these people live... it makes me uncomfortable how easy of a life I live... i fear I will be unbearably surrounded with spoiled brats, quite frankly.

And i know i'm making a ton of stereotypes and assumptions... but it's a legitimate concern of mine. I really, sincerely hope that I can do well in classes and have fun in college without the burden of these labels.

Writer's Block: Significant Change

Fri, 29 May 2009 05:59:54 GMT

Have you ever tried to change yourself for someone you were in a relationship with (or wanted to be in a relationship with)? Did it work?

View 502 Answers

Well F that S. Change for the better or worse, it's such a beezy when you do it for someone else. You just feel spiteful about that person and how you went so out of your way all for them, not for yourself. So dumb...

I learned my lesson, clearly.
I change for no one else.

I'm having a bad day. The improv show was the best PHHS one I've ever seen. Cassie and I had a blast talking about randomness and eating a five dollar pizza and going through techno music.
My sister pissed me off though, insulting my ability to drive when she's never even seen me drive before - when she's already gotten 2 speeding tickets - and chastising the fact that i drive friends illegally, even though she did it more than i ever have or will. Ugh. I was so insulted when she was talking to my dad about who was driving which car.
Now, bear in mind, I've driven the volvo for a long time. I drove it throughout almost my entire permit, and have driven it solo about 5 times or so.
My sister... I can't say she's ever driven the volvo...
So my dad tells her, "I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with you driving the volvo.."
"Well it's better than Emily. At least i'm a good driver. ...I mean, a more experienced driver..."
Blah blah blah.
Fuck you.

Writer's Block: Look at Me/Don't Look at Me

Mon, 18 May 2009 04:55:05 GMT

Do you seek attention or hide from it?

Submitted By novarr

View 502 Answers

Well isn't that a sort of obvious question? I seek positive attention, and i hide from negative attention.
Duh.

Actually, some people are dumb enough to attract ANY attention to themselves, good or bad. For me, I'm fine with any attention that is entertaining (i have a sense of humor about myself and don't mind looking like a dumbass sometimes), or makes me look like the good person, or makes me look like the smart person.

Does that work? No, not really, but i try.

Sarah came home last night and I got to hang out with her today. We went to the swap meet cassie, then cassie and i walked around the beach when sarah hung out with her other friend at Ocean Beach. Very good conversation.

Love chill times like these. Like i've been saying, i can feel summer creeping in. =)

Writer's Block: Dream On

Thu, 14 May 2009 05:45:37 GMT

Do you ever have recurring dreams? If so, are they good dreams or nightmares?

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I've only had repeats of dreams a dozen times in my life, and they've never repeated more than once (from my memory). The ones that repeat are usually neither good nor bad, just random and usually enjoyable or funny to tell afterwards.

Paul hasn't talked to me since monday and he texted me at 4:30 while I was sleeping. He told me he had a weird dream and then asked if I liked Billy. I decided not to answer him and instead respond with surprise that he was talking to me. His only response was "Yeah it was a mistake" and I told him I figured (because I knew he wouldn't have talked to me if he didn't want information from me) and that I'd see him around.

I don't like Billy, by the way. I just flirt with him and acknowledge the fact that he's very good-looking.

I guess it was only too long before Paul and I got in another fight. We may have set a personal record for how long we went without this time. Haven't been on bad terms since like, the end of xmas break. That's 5 months right there. Pretty damn impressive for us.

Sticking with my previously made rhetoric, I'm not going to apologize, because I'm not sorry for play-slapping him and he's an oversensitive bitch for his reaction. Apologizing is weak anyway. He'd just take advantage of it.

I like people that apologize, personally. I also like people that accept apologies. I like people that judge based on intentions rather than actions. Actions deserve criticism, but not judgement.
I sense the word empathy coming up, but I'm running out of ways to re-state the same thing, so I'll save my readers the time.

Changing gears:
I started lighting candles. I don't quite know how to explain it, but the stereotypes and symbols behind it are all there. I do it every night and blow them out right before I fall asleep.

Changing gears again:
Listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGJ8dY_IcgE&feature=related

And of course, I hope you all sleep and wake well. I'll go to sleep in a few hours when I'm finally tired. Napping for 5 hours really threw me off, haha.
<3

Wed, 13 May 2009 14:14:51 GMT

Back in October I thought to myself... what did I ever like about these so-called "fridays"... I don't enjoy my time with these guys, I should be studying, I have more important things to do. How did I ever manage to spend so much time with them last year?

Well tonight was legit.

That's what time well spent /truly/ is. I felt so happy with talking to David and Josh and Kevin over the soft sound of alternative rock and TV commercials in a messy room on a crowded couch. Talking about farts and relationships and the past and the present. I'm very truly happy at the moment.

Truly happy.

Wed, 06 May 2009 04:13:06 GMT

I've been running out of pertinent things to say lately. I feel pretty scornful towards my own thought process, how superficial it is, how repetitive it is, etc. It makes me think of Eleanor Roosevelt's quote in our planner last year, maybe freshman year:
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."

I think about that quote a lot. I tend to judge myself based on it.... it frustrates me how often I fall under the small/average category.

Anyway... I don't have time to go very in-depth into anything right now. I'm struggling to stay on pace with art. I have to finish 3 pieces each day until it's all due. 2 more left today. GO GO GO!

I'm trying to do some soul-searching... for a room-mate. I found this girl who is considering being in the Trojan Hall dorms where I'll be(everyone wants to be in New or North tower > <) and she seems super cool. Everyone else is like ehh.. but I feel like I'd have a lot in common with her, so I hope she decides to go to Trojan, and I hope she doesn't find a different room mate first. I really don't wanna get stuck being put in the room mate lottery. I want someone I can relate to, at the very least.

New Kid

Fri, 01 May 2009 02:10:36 GMT

I haven't had to deal with this since 5th grade.
I'm going to have to immerse myself into a group of total strangers next year, and I won't know anyone at all.

I think it will work out well.. but they'll never be able to fill the spot my heart holds for all my SD friends. I'm worried I won't let anyone close to me, because they won't understand anything I say about home. You guys get all the references, all the stories and jokes... no one at USC will. So lame.

At least there will be hot guys.
And yes, Tanya, when you visit, I will make sure I have a few picked out to introduce to you.

Haha... I'm in much too good of a mood to feel pessimistic right now. Me preparing to fail the AP Art Exam? Psh. So what? =D

Much love, dears.
Deers.
Dire deers.
Dear dire deers.

Yes. I love it! Bwahahahahahahahaahahahha

WHORE

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:10:07 GMT

*COUGH*WHORE*COUGH

...is my favorite joke that relates to a mall... Lina gets it. Chris might recall the story being told.
Anyhow, I'm excited to help introduce Cassie to the world of flirting (as opposed to being awkward and as opposed to just being a bitch and scaring people away), which may or may not actually happen tomorrow, but that's the intent. Paul volunteered to join us on our mall escapade =) There's no goal so far other than to just flirt with cashiers randomly.

Although I have to admit, it probably won't be extremely effective, considering that flirting is something that comes naturally after an extended period of time under the right conditions. We're just gonna fuck around with the concept for an hour or two simply because I can if I want to! I was happy to see that she was enthusiastic about the idea, actually. I like seeing my little sister peeping out of her usual comfort zone, the same way my older sister used to like seeing me doing the same.

And of course if there is any success, I get to feel good about myself for encouraging her to be a whore. My life goal is to make Cassie a whore, you know. Not really. I told her to wear her sexy black polka-dotted sleeveless shirt. It's so sexy. I bet it'll look a million times better on her than it did on me, and I thought it looked pretty good on me.

I haven't decided if I'm interested in flirting too.... It could be fun, but I dunno if I'm feelin it right now. If (for some reason) Ian comes along, I'll be too preoccupied anyway.
Hah.... I get a good kick out of myself sometimes. If there was another me, I would give me so much shit for flirting with him. Oh well =)

Ironically, Jon has a new girlfriend before I've managed to hook up with anyone or get a new bf. (I don't want a boyfriend right now, fyi.) I'm not annoyed or jealous at this (me not jealous?! OMG when does that happen?!), but I do find it amusing, somewhat. Maybe he'll get someone that can tolerate him enough this time =) That would be good for him. (dgaf)

MUCH LOVE TO MY FRIENDS AND READERS!
<33333
I'll talk to you after 2:14 tomorrow =)

Writer's Block: Life Changes

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 05:40:15 GMT

What change have you made in your life that you're most proud of?

the great battle

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:02:04 GMT

hookup VS. a relationship based essentially on superficiality?

both can be morally repremanded - depending on who you are.
yet both can be understandable - depending on who you are.

i'm battling it out in my head which might be considered "better" or "worse," considering variables like fakeness, chances of emotional hurt and conflict, and whatnot. i'm not getting anywhere really.

my livejournal friends (minus lina maybe) are some of my most "conservative" friends (not talking politics, of course) when it comes to things like relationships, mainly because they are some of the least superficial people i know, so i'm curious what your opinions are on one versus the other.

ironically Add It Up just came on, by the Violent Femmes. good song =)
you should listen to it, so you can get the irony.

3 things, although I know I'll go on tangents...

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 05:00:55 GMT

1) USC!!!! YAY. It's not a thing of fear anymore, now that I know I'm going, it's all excitment and a good kind of anxiety. I know I will love it there. I know this is what is best for me. I am happy with this decision more than most I am with most other decisions.

2) I hate how Cassie is going through the same thing I've gone through. She's not exactly 0% bodyfat, but boy does that girl have a wonderful body. Now she's off freaking out telling me "I learned that if you can pinch more than an inch then you're fat!" "Fat?" Who the fuck even decides what that means. Damn, I'm obese if she is fat. And of course she's not experienced and informed enough to do it right ("it" being losing weight or getting healthy, which aren't the same thing, but can coincide)... I wish people would do more research and less skipping meals. Which makes me feel like a hypocrit for all the times I've thought about doing unhealthy things like skipping meals, and bailing on the idea. I think my body secretly knows when my brain is plotting against it. Whenever I get crazy ideas like that, I suddenly get a cold before plans are implemented. I never do anything risky when I'm sick. My only goal as a sickling is to not be a sickling, which usually involves full meals. ... Yeah. Anyway. I've been working out and more trying to do things right, feeling guilty about my bad ideas because I know I would tell Cassie not to do them.
I like having a little sister, it keeps me in check sometimes.

3) New York! Whee. I think I've talked about it a little already so I'll keep it brief. Homework to do over the trip: math review, history reading, annotations on TEWWG, some artsy stuff. Don't want to get jet lag, so I'll lose a lot of HW time on the plane sleeping instead. Having difficulties figuring out how to act around my mom when friends are present. Hoping it won't be rude leaving my mom to hang out with friends. Rooming with April, Leila, and maybe Ashley, but I wish I could fit in with those other girls like Delaney, Danielle, and Julia. Oh well... I guess my social awkwardness comes back to haunt me. I wish it wasn't so. I hope Carl and Alejandro don't forget I exist. Especially Carl.
Geez I feel so superficial. I wanna fit in with the popular crowd. I want attention from boys. Me, me, me. I'm going to a fancy college, I'm smart enough to know this way to be healthy. No wonder it's so awkward for me in some situations, I really am pretentious and annoying with people I don't know.

Writer's Block: Take Your Chances

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 21:22:19 GMT

Do you think people deserve second chances?

Submitted By drea12301994

View 501 Answers

Anyone that wants one and shows they're ready for one deserves one.

I'm leaving for New York in 3 days, which is pretty crazy. I've never been before.
Part of me is really excited, it's supposed to be really fun. Getting out of school is a nice break, just being out in the world having a blast.... nice concept.
Part of me is more worried. It's going to be a lot of time spent not doing homework, so I'll have to try really hard to keep up. I don't have any friends in choir except Carl. I should have fun with Lila (if she's going), April and Ashley, I guess I'll room with them since they're the only ones that talk to me. I don't seem to fit in very well with the rest of the choir people... they all seem to be friends already from improv or previous years of bels. It's like middle school all over again > <
I also can't decide if my mom coming is going to be a great idea or something that will hinder my fun. She's so much fun to be around, but that's usually just when it's exclusively her and me. I don't do things with other kids and my mom... I have a bit of a personality crisis. I act completely different around my mom.

anyway....
hope things work out well.

Writer's Block: Fresh Flowers or Crunchy Leaves?

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 05:47:45 GMT

It's the first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere and the first day of autumn in the Southern Hemisphere. What season do you want it to be where you live?

View 500 Answers

Underwater.

Today was really enjoyable. I got to watch my first lacross game ever, and I got to see one of the most amazing people I know score a goal and wear a miniskirt! I didn't even have to throw dollar bills at her for the latter. =D

I also had fun following around Ian's car and driving around with Cassie (though I think she would have rather been in Ian's car. Can't blame her.) My jealousy comes into play here - yes, I don't just get jealous over guys. Friendship is just as (or more) powerful, unfortunately.
I saw I Love You, Man, which is very funny and I recommend it.

I wish I could stay out as long as I want. After a while I would learn that after 11 isn't actually that much more interesting than normal time, and I would gladly go to bed at a reasonable hour. At the moment I'm really wanting what I can't have though, and that's the ability to stay out very late and just fly the night away. Whatever that means.

I'm really tired, ironically, and can barely keep my eyes open.

I'm in one of those moods where I wish random hot guys driving by would slow down and look at me so I can feel smug about myself and turn my nose up at them and roll my eyes like I'm better than that. Even though I'm not.

I'm clearly emotionally drained from my last relationship.

I'm back to how I was in October and November.... which only Lina and Tanya will potentially understand, because I didn't complain about it to many people other than them.

I tend to use strange and reversed syntax because I come up with something to say after I've said it (if that makes sense).... But that's off-topic.

G'night <3

bleed it out

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 05:58:03 GMT

i'm a very jealous person. i wish i could change that about me, but i can't help the pain and the anger that results from it.

The future freaks me out

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 05:36:01 GMT

"One year to make it whatever you want it to be. One more year of best friends."

So I'm laying here in my sister's bed listening to iTunes on shuffle and chatting against my parents' rules... this is how it's been for years, even if the rooms, the people, the music, and the rules have changed. I've been doing this same routine for so long. We've all been doing some sort of routine for time, I suppose.

I'm near tears.
...Which might not be much to say considering how easily I cry, but damn, that last sentence hits home.
This is my last year I'm going to have this physical closeness to my current friends. It seems like it should be just another transition, but this one feels so much bigger. I don't know how iIm gonna get through each day not seeing the people I've been seeing each day since 5th grade. It's like in R&G when they were talking about death... it's just an emptiness that starts to creep in on your mind as you realize that they're not just away, they're /gone/.
Even if conversation never ends, memories are hard to make 200 miles away. No more ice cream sleepovers with endless games of apples to apples. No more holding hands during movies. No more going on walks and frolicking on parks after playing crazy crazy on play structures. No more laughing about this thing and that thing that happened in class, because we'll be in different classes, and we'll be in different cities, and it'll feel like light years to me.
The hardest part isn't not being there... the hardest part is not being there and hearing about so much I'll miss out on. That last year that people tell me is the best, and probably is the best, is going to be a story told from other people, not something I get to experience myself.

USC better be really fucking great.

Because I love you.

Writer's Block: Chatty

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:43:47 GMT

Do you prefer texting or talking on the phone?

View 502 Answers

Calling. Almost always.
People used to text me and I'd call them back, and they wouldn't answer, pissed me off so much. Then they'd text me again confused... really?

anyway...
nothing to say today, so I'm not sure why I'm posting.
My homework has gone from super-intense on monday, to intense on tuesday, to pretty moderate/easy today. I tried doing some painting, but I find myself growing bored of what I've been doing. I need something exciting and inspiring... not just a picture or painting for the sake of a picture or painting. I have too many works-in-progress that I've stopped because I got bored. yup yup.

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:06:30 GMT

I feel like my friendships are like seasons... or like they follow some kind of cyclical pattern...

I get really close to one group (A), then after a while, I realize I miss another group (B), then I will then put my energy towards B and A.... eventually all of it goes towards B, though. After enough time, I will miss A again, and this all repeats.
It's not really a problem (for me) or a much of bad thing (for me), it's just an observation. Although I have to deal with missing people; that's no fun.

I had this conversation with Kevin around October about how I was starting to revert back to my female friends like Becca, Tanya, Tess, Courtney/girl scouts, etc... but now I miss the person I had that conversation with, and I miss a few specific others, especially Ryan, that I haven't seen as much as I'd like.

I remember when Ryan and I were really close... what great days.... he was pretty much one of the last people I could still connect with then. People and their relationships were pissing me off, Paul and I got in fights even more often than we do now (he disliked Jesse, of course...)
He was basically my best friend for a good month or so back in May (bear in mind I wasn't his best friend, but that matters not.) I can't remember the last really good conversation I had with him... well... besides the one that ended our friendship temporarily.

I'm making a new point to redeem a bit of lost closeness with a few of my guy friends. Not all of them... definitely not, but some. Those two mentioned particularly.

I have a question for readers:
On the topic of friends, do you make a point to do certain things and pay attention to certain people, or do you just let what happens happen?

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 18:11:17 GMT

"First of all, congratulations on a tremendous week. You worked hard and have earned a spot on the Patrick Henry High School Track & Field Team!"

haha, I ran once.
I'm such a hard worker.
Fuck my hip (not literally), I wish it would heal. I'm gonna start going to the gym after school, I think.

short entry. hm.

Writer's Block: Daily Grind

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 05:18:40 GMT

Describe your morning routine.

Submitted By its_miley

View 501 Answers

Wake up to a beepy alarm, let Trixie out of my room, and do any homework I put off until morning (reading things, doing math, etc). I'll shower in the morning about every other day, but I always have a bowl of Grapenuts with soy milk on a school day morning. I waste time picking out what to wear, occasionally I'll waste even more time putting on some light makeup or sewing holes in my socks. It's a weird thing to do when I'm in a rush, but I love sewing my socks... so medetative....
But yeah, if I have time (which is rare) I might even remember to wash my face and brush my teeth! *gasp* (of course that would come before makeup and after breakfast)
I'm not a very hygenic person, fyi.
The last minutes are spent scrambling around looking for shoes, track clothes, homework, text boks etc.
I put my shoes on while my mom or neighbor drives me to school, because there's no time to put them on at home.
I'm still waiting for the day I forget shoes.

On a separate note... I'm eating delicous banana bread, and I never have trouble spelling "banana" when I'm writing it.
My mommy made it, and it is crispy on the outside and moise and delicious on the inside.

Worth not being anonymous

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 01:42:03 GMT

Dusten was always someone that used to get on my nerves, especially frosh year and stuff. Come sophomore year, I started seeing him around more, talking to him more, etc. and I found out that he's not that bad of a guy. I stopped ignoring him, we chit-chatted a bit, especially in Japanese class. He's pretty funny, even if he has that /b/tard status sense of humor, he's also pretty nice relative to the friends formerly known as the Fridays. He got a lot of shit from those guys early on, and he wasn't easily accepted at first, but I figured I might as well talk to him, and I've never really had much against him since I got to know him. (except that he's an anti-feminist.)

It seems as though ever since I stopped talking to me frequently, he has developed a problem with me. Although I never really did anything bad to him (in my recollection, at least), he feels the need to go OUT OF HIS WAY every single time he sees me to insult me.

Emily: *walks into band room to put stuff in colorguard room. makes eye contact with no one. talks to no one*
Dusten: "WAY TO RUIN MY DAY EMILY*

Emily: *goes up to group of friends during lunch, dusten happens to be present*
Dusten: "WAY TO RUIN MY DAY EMILY"

Emily: *walks down the hall*
Dusten: "WAY TO RUIN MY DAY EMILY"

It's like he has this fucking hilarious inside joke with me.
EXCEPT IT'S NOT FUNNY
AND IT'S REALLY ANNOYING
I don't even remember when he started it, but now he makes a point to do it every single time I see him and it just pisses me off. I sorta laughed it off the first few times, but it's just gotten really old. I don't know if he thinks it's funny, or if he realizes how rude it is, but it's extremely insulting being yelled at by him whenever he's in my presence.

I try so hard to avoid him now. It's not working very well.

Just to make my life worse, he has another insult now.
(I'd like to point out first that Dusten grew out his hair so he could donate it.)
Today, I was just going through regular routine, saying 'hi' to the same people I always do during passing period, but since Tania wasn't there today, Ian was walking with Ryan and Dusten instead. I gave Ian a hug and he was like "oh hey! haircut! *surprise face* *wants to touch it*" And he was nice as usual.
Ryan was like "I think you got it too short blah blah" Okay, thanks for your great advice Ryan. Here, let me just fix that right now as I pull out my hair to make it longer to please your every whim. Whatever.
Dusten can't even say something reasonable, because he's stupid. After he tells me I ruined his day, he starts yelling "OH MY GAWD, WHAT A BOMB!!!! WHAT A TOTAL BOMB!!!" and he just said it over and over and over again. Honestly, why would you ever say that to someone? Why would you feel the need to hurt someone's feelings like that with no prompt? I'm just trying to avoid him, and he has to push himself into my life anyway, just so he can hurt me. The "ruin my day" thing has a degree of humor, but that was just stupid. I didn't cut my hair because I wanted to be stylish and get compliments from people, I cut it because I'm getting dreads soon anyway and figured a little kid with cancer might want my hair more than I do.

I really wish he would just leave me alone. If he ever says something so annoyingly rude to me again and he's close by, I'm going to knee him in the balls or spit on his face or something. It's gotten way out of hand, I can't even keep it bottled up anymore. I really really lothe him.

edit: I mixed Dusten up with Gavin, Dusten's not anti-femenist. My bad.

looking for a fight

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 06:21:54 GMT

...is a pretty dumb idea

And yet here I am not taking my own advice, haha.
Sometimes I just need to forget my manners for a change. Naw, it's not a need, but it's something I give into. If anyone or anything pisses me off when I'm in that mood, sucks for them... I start getting honest.
I wouldn't do it to anyone I thought would be deeply distraught by it.